the anniversary rides a journey's whim
The month of June marks the anniversary of my relationship with the beloved Blogspot. This June we make five years. In the past few days I've been feeling quite nostalgic, leading me to act upon my propensity for reading former blog posts - there are 121 in total!
Surely, as I read each sentence, somewhat sloppily spewed out during my teenage years (of faint promiscuity - all too slow-fading), I expect some sort of warm-n-fuzzy wave of enlightenment to pass over me.
It doesn't come.
So anyway, as I read line by line, pressing onward through major grammatical errors, grand misspellings and naive, misinformed ideologies, I found myself slightly embarrassed at the person I represent in those posts.
Are you embarrassed of yourself at fourteen? Fifteen, or even seventeen? Maybe if I continue to read the ancient scrolls of my past I'd have a little more patience and a little more understanding for those who are in progress:
Patience for me, basically.
Although my early attempts of eccentric-intellectualism severely lack substance, it sure is entertaining to read. I believe that that's the nature of life; retrospect will usually prove us wrong and provide us a laugh. I am also glad that my God believes in trial and error.
I have been putting much effort into experimenting with my voice, both in writing and on stage. I am still unsure of what is suiting, or what needs to end; quickly die and cease; to capsize the inauthentic shi[t]p so that I may sail on into the right direction. To an effect, I believe all of us are on some sort of journey in these things, and I think that I have found myself making lasting footprints through what I have written, or spoken, into people's memory. Friendly footprints - not likely - but footprints nonetheless.
This onward progression, that I'm fortunately able to reflect on through my lovely Blogspot, is a bittersweet and hilarious reminder to me that I am, and will be, okay. I have even noticed that I often end my posts with that reminder. To myself, or to the reader - I'm not sure - but I hope that in the midst of all of these changes, that this is something that will never change:
I am okay
posted by Landon A. @ 21:04
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It's interesting, i have noticed your posts of late have been much more to the point and grammatically precise. Which is kinda nice cause i don't have to pour over them a few times to grasp their meaning, haha. But I have always found your posts to be insightful and encouraging, which maybe stems from the fact that i too was just as naive as you were, but at least we can grow together. And i suppose that's what peers are for. To grow alongside you and find you to be just as amazing and brilliant as themselves, despite all signs otherwise. So as to bring comfort and acknowledgement that you are just as meaningful as everyone else.
I think we are on somewhat of a parallel Landon. Keep speaking.
I am thoroughly enjoying you! That's it. Your past does not represent you, it represents things that make you who you are today. And so, seeing the spilling of your innards through previous posts makes you more relate able. Most definitely. Nothing to be embarrassed about. But yet, if that emotion still finds it's way to seep in, then please let me know. Hah. Good day Landon.
Wait...Did I just contradict myself? Haaaa
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